![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
hedwigs-bane.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
hp_misfitficsAuthor: ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hedwigs_bane
Beta: None this time, sorry...
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,288
Genres: RL AU crossover, humour
Warning: Fanfic writers, beware!
A.N.: I thought this little uber-drabble would find a comfortable home here. :-)
Also, there's a little homage to one of my all time favorite British TV programmes at the end. Maybe even a nod to MiB...
hedwigs_baneBeta: None this time, sorry...
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,288
Genres: RL AU crossover, humour
Warning: Fanfic writers, beware!
A.N.: I thought this little uber-drabble would find a comfortable home here. :-)
Also, there's a little homage to one of my all time favorite British TV programmes at the end. Maybe even a nod to MiB...
Figment
“So, that’s it then?”
“So it would seem. We’re protected, you’ve nothing to deny, she’s embarrassingly rich, and even the Muggles seem quite pleased.”
“Pleased? No one’s ever seen anything quite like it! I’ll admit, it was a master stroke.”
“Thank you, Prime Minister. A great deal of time and effort went into its planning and implementation, I assure you. The amazing part is it was all accomplished with almost no magic at all.”
“And you’ve no concerns that any… Muggles… might suspect what really happened? After all, quite a few people saw a great many strange things.”
“Oh, I’m sure they will. In fact, I hope they will! That, if I may say so, is quite possibly the most brilliant part of the plan. Surely you’ve heard the old adage, ‘the best place to hide something is in plain sight’? We’ve given them virtually the entire story. Most will accept it at face value, the way we’ve always intended. Some, who can’t draw the line between reality and fantasy, will believe it all to be true, but no one will believe them if they try to bandy it about, despite the fact that it is they, and not the majority, who are embracing the reality.”
“Yes, I’ve seen it before, extraterrestrials and all that.”
“Precisely. I’m almost ashamed to say that’s where we got the idea. There was, of course, no way for us to Confound or to modify the memories of so many Muggles, so, instead, we simply dazzled them with the facts, and let them sort it out on their own.”
“And the Potter boy..?”
“Prime Minister, he’s hardly a boy now. On the contrary, he’s become quite the man.”
“Yes, but I mean, he’s all right with his name being attached to it all?”
“Harry Potter has dealt with fame his entire life, albeit only in the wizarding world. And it’s not as if Muggles will recognize him in the street, is it? Besides, we wouldn’t have used his name if he hadn’t agreed. Interestingly, he and his friends find it all rather amusing.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yes. His… closest friend says – oh, how did he put it? – that ‘it’s like having all the meat with none of the vegetables’.”
“I’m sorry?”
“My apologies. He simply means that they can enjoy being famous but not have to worry about being pestered for autographs and the like.”
“Ah, I see. Well, they are most decidedly famous. And not only in Britain.”
“Yes, it’s quite impressive, isn’t it. I think the films help as well. They divert attention from the actual people to the actors who portray them.”
“So now things can return to – and you should forgive the expression – normal?”
“Almost.”
“Almost?”
“Well, as I said, we’ve given them virtually the entire story.”
“And..?”
“I hesitate even to mention it. We’re not sure if it’s even a cause for concern, but we will continue to monitor the situation.”
“What situation? What haven’t you told me, Shacklebolt?”
“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. It’s just that… some Muggles seem to have deduced some facts that weren’t actually in the books. It may be nothing at all, but it is a… curious development.”
“Will you please just tell me what’s happened!”
“Well, on your Internet system, there are those who have guessed at certain aspects of certain relationships between wizards…”
“Yes, well, she’s already told everyone about Dimpledoor…”
“Dumbledore, and yes, she has. Actually, that was another attempt to divert attention away from the truth with facts. No, there are others, and some of these people, a disturbingly large number, in fact, have concluded that the ending of the final book was nothing but a thinly veiled attempt to deny the obvious.”
“You still haven’t told me what you’re talking about.”
“My apologies, Prime Minister. I don’t mean to prevaricate, but I must ask you to keep what I say in the strictest confidence.”
“Kingsley, I am hardly likely to be advertising the particulars of this conversation any time soon.”
“Yes, yes, of course. I take it you’ve read the final book.”
“Twice.”
“And you recall the epilogue?”
“Yes. Harry married Ginny Weasley, and they had, what was it, three children? And Ron married Hermione – no surprise there – and they also had children… two, I believe.”
“Yes, well, though those events are not slated to occur for some time, I would have to say that the presumptions that would allow them are probably the closest thing to a lie in the books.”
“A lie? Whatever happened to dazzling them with the facts?”
“In this case, it seemed best to bow to Muggle sensibilities, especially those of Muggle parents. I’m afraid your society has not yet progressed beyond some rather silly, though hurtful, prejudices.”
“Quite a few, I daresay. To which do you refer?”
“Let’s just say that it isn’t very likely that, in nineteen years, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley will have either married Ginny and Hermione or fathered children by them.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Well, in reality, during the post-war celebrations, Harry and Ron let it be made known that they were… more than friends.”
“Oh. Oh! Ooooooooh! You mean they’re… they’re…”
“Exactly.”
“I see. Well, of course I won’t say a word, though I can’t imagine to whom I would do so. But I don’t understand. Why is this a problem?”
“Again, I’m not certain that it is. It’s more of a curiosity, really, that Muggles would come to that conclusion on their own, despite the fact that Madam Rowling made an effort to conceal that particular aspect of Ron and Harry’s relationship.”
“Now that you mention it, I could see it happening. In fact…”
“Yes?”
“Well, with all that you said about hiding in plain sight, and now that I know the truth of it, it seems that Madam Rowling was always erring on the side of caution. I always felt that there was an unusual dearth of affection between Harry and Ron. I mean, even heterosexual men will embrace on occasion. Even British men. Yet, if I recall, she only once mentions the two of them actually doing so. I think she might have fueled that fire, rather than prevented it.”
“And from the conversation I had with her, I believe she would agree. Still, I suspect, as does she, that many who arrive at the correct conclusion will simply write it off under the guise of ‘children’s literature’. Nevertheless, as long as your race considers them to be fictional characters, it hardly matters.”
“Unless the same people who are clever enough to arrive at such a conclusion begin to arrive at others, eh?”
“Ah, very good, Prime Minister. Which is why we will continue to keep an eye on the situation. More wizards and witches are being trained to use computers even as we speak, and will supplement those already monitoring the various conduits of what you Muggles call ‘fan fiction’. If any particular Muggle seems to deduce more than we think he or she should, we have Obliviators standing by.”
“You’ll erase their memories?!”
“Only bits of them. Just enough to convince them that they are, in fact, writing fiction.”
“And they wouldn’t know it happened.”
“No. As a matter of fact, there are already a fair number of them, happily convinced of their own cleverness, who are writing what they believe to be their own words, but are instead writing what we’ve planted in the Obliviated parts of their minds. I assure you, they are blissfully ignorant of our involvement, even those whom we’ve ‘visited’ a number of times.”
“Kingsley?”
“Prime Minister?”
“Have I even been… Obliviated?”
“No, Prime Minister.”
“You’d tell me if I had been, though?”
“Yes, Prime Minister.”
Figment
Date: 2008-01-26 06:24 pm (UTC)I especially loved the last bit, somehow, I dont entirely believe Kingsley. *giggle*
Re: Figment
Date: 2008-01-26 08:14 pm (UTC)As someone so astutely pointed out, the last section was stolen from the "Have you ever flashy-thinged me, K?" scene from MiB. Hey, at least I'm clever enough to plagiarize...
Thanks so much, hon!