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hp_misfitfics2009-08-12 09:55 am
flaminia-x.livejournal.com) wrote in hp_misfitfics2009-08-12 09:55 am
Entry tags:
Deciding Detentions
Title: Deciding Detentions
Author:![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flaminia_x
Characters: Albus Dumbledore, Argus Filch, Colin Creevey, Filius Flitwick, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Minerva McGonagall, Poppy Pomfrey, Hagrid, Luna Lovegood, Rolanda Hooch, Severus Snape, Mad-Eye Moody, Ginny Weasley, Angelina Johnson, Viktor Krum, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Daphne Greengrass, Padma Patil, Parvati Patil, Madame Pince, the Fat Friar, Sybil Trelawney, Blaise Zabini, various Weasleys, Prof. Binns, Cho Chang, Gregory Goyle, Theodore Nott, Xenophilius Lovegood
Rating: G
Word Count: 610
Summary: What must normally have happened at your average faculty meeting at Hogwarts – or, how detentions get decided.
Author's Notes: (if any) A pleasant piece of PWP/AU perfection, wicked wit and grammarly genius! Written for the 2009 Grammar Love Ficathon, for the prompt "alliteration"!
***
Albus ahemmed. “Attention!” he announced.
Binns bobbed in, barely bothering to bark out a belated “Present!” as Argus archived the attendance.
“Colin Creevey has committed the crime of creeping cross campus to coerce Cho Chang to pose for a portrait after curfew,” Filch confessed.
“Detention,” Dumbledore decided.
Even Everard’s portrait expressed amusement at Colin, who was constantly caught with his camera.
Filius Flitwick waved at the Fat Friar as he floated through and asked, “What about Finch-Fletchley? Always around at Florean Fortescue’s or smuggling in Fever Fudge!”
Filch added furiously, “I frequently find him flying on his Firebolt through the Forbidden Forest. With Fanged Frisbees!”
“Gregory Goyle is also a difficult dilemma,” Dumbledore declared. “Gaming with Deflating Draughts and Garotting Gas around Mss. Granger and Greengrass cannot go without castigation.”
Hagrid hemmed and hawed but finally concurred with the committee to have them help him with the hinkypunks and hippogriffs instead of having off to Hogsmeade.
“I insist that Finch-Fletchley’s fantastically flagrant ignorance of Hogwarts guidelines is as good an assurance of the most unpleasant problem since the Ilfracombe Incident,” Mad-Eye Moody murmured menacingly.
“Just for jokes, did anyone manage to see that Jelly-Legs Jinx that Ginny gave Angelina Johnson?” Madame Hooch hooted. “If only Krum or the Kenmare Kestrels could catch a peek at her! What a knockout!”
“Hush up, Hooch,” Hagrid hinted, “Or you’ll be knocked back to King’s Cross!”
“Luna Lovegood,” Filch finished, “was caught attempting to levitate Longbottom using a licorice wand. Said he had Loser’s Lurgy.”
Minerva McGonagall mumbled, “Lovegood’s lost it at last.” Out loud, she replied, “Leave her to me. Now. Malfoy maintains that Moaning Myrtle maliciously molested him,” she resumed.
“Merlin’s beard,” Moody grumbled. “Boy’s as bothersome as a bloody boggart. Make him repot mandrakes for making up such juvenile gibberish.”
“Nott’s been nicking Nosebleed Nougats again,” Filch flailed frantically, anxious for attention.
“No one knows it’s Nott, now, do they,” Severus Snape said silkily. “Someone said something about the Owlery?”
“The Owlery was over-used last year,” Hagrid pronounced. “Only one at a time, ok?”
“On to the next order of business,” Dumbledore declared. “Potter?”
Snape seethed. “Prince Potter prances about the place with Padma and Parvati Patil! And we’re the ones who have to worry about where he is all the while.”
“Pish-tosh,” Madame Pince said primly. “They’re primarily in the pumpkin patch. Peeves was teasing Pansy Parkinson about it prior to Potions.”
“The question of Quidditch,” Poppy Pomfrey prodded.
“Ah, quite the dangerous sport, Quidditch,” Dumbledore acquiesced. “But a popular pastime, Poppy, and a proven part of the history of Hogwarts. So, despite all the players you patch up, the sport prevails.”
Rolanda roared her approval. “Right you are, sir. And the Shrieking Shack?”
Severus Snape snarled. He detested the discussion of the situation, but the Shack, it should be said, was in a seriously deficient state. “It is no longer necessary, sir,” he said. “Destroy it.”
“Too true, too true.” Trelawney tutted. “If you do not destroy it, doom will descend in droves upon the hallowed halls of Hogwarts.”
“Hogwash,” Hooch huffed.
“Under Umbridge, the unspeakable occurred,” Trelawney said. “Under no circumstances can you continue to ignore the inevitable.”
Flitwick snickered. “It’s something straight out of Voyages with Vampires.”
“What’s really worth debating on is what we are to do with Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes,” McGonagall mentioned.
“Fainting Fancies! Whizzing Worms! Puking Pastilles!” Filch fluttered.
“Xenophilius spoke about them on the Wizarding Wireless Wednesday,” Snape spoke.
“Ton-Tongue Toffees! Skiving Snackboxes!” Filch flew into a frenzy.
“You know, those U-No-Poos could be used for the war,” Dumbledore deliberated. “Ask Blaise Zabini to check with Zonko’s. Assembly adjourned!”
“PYGMY PUFFS!” Filch fainted.
Author:
flaminia_x Characters: Albus Dumbledore, Argus Filch, Colin Creevey, Filius Flitwick, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Minerva McGonagall, Poppy Pomfrey, Hagrid, Luna Lovegood, Rolanda Hooch, Severus Snape, Mad-Eye Moody, Ginny Weasley, Angelina Johnson, Viktor Krum, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Daphne Greengrass, Padma Patil, Parvati Patil, Madame Pince, the Fat Friar, Sybil Trelawney, Blaise Zabini, various Weasleys, Prof. Binns, Cho Chang, Gregory Goyle, Theodore Nott, Xenophilius Lovegood
Rating: G
Word Count: 610
Summary: What must normally have happened at your average faculty meeting at Hogwarts – or, how detentions get decided.
Author's Notes: (if any) A pleasant piece of PWP/AU perfection, wicked wit and grammarly genius! Written for the 2009 Grammar Love Ficathon, for the prompt "alliteration"!
***
Albus ahemmed. “Attention!” he announced.
Binns bobbed in, barely bothering to bark out a belated “Present!” as Argus archived the attendance.
“Colin Creevey has committed the crime of creeping cross campus to coerce Cho Chang to pose for a portrait after curfew,” Filch confessed.
“Detention,” Dumbledore decided.
Even Everard’s portrait expressed amusement at Colin, who was constantly caught with his camera.
Filius Flitwick waved at the Fat Friar as he floated through and asked, “What about Finch-Fletchley? Always around at Florean Fortescue’s or smuggling in Fever Fudge!”
Filch added furiously, “I frequently find him flying on his Firebolt through the Forbidden Forest. With Fanged Frisbees!”
“Gregory Goyle is also a difficult dilemma,” Dumbledore declared. “Gaming with Deflating Draughts and Garotting Gas around Mss. Granger and Greengrass cannot go without castigation.”
Hagrid hemmed and hawed but finally concurred with the committee to have them help him with the hinkypunks and hippogriffs instead of having off to Hogsmeade.
“I insist that Finch-Fletchley’s fantastically flagrant ignorance of Hogwarts guidelines is as good an assurance of the most unpleasant problem since the Ilfracombe Incident,” Mad-Eye Moody murmured menacingly.
“Just for jokes, did anyone manage to see that Jelly-Legs Jinx that Ginny gave Angelina Johnson?” Madame Hooch hooted. “If only Krum or the Kenmare Kestrels could catch a peek at her! What a knockout!”
“Hush up, Hooch,” Hagrid hinted, “Or you’ll be knocked back to King’s Cross!”
“Luna Lovegood,” Filch finished, “was caught attempting to levitate Longbottom using a licorice wand. Said he had Loser’s Lurgy.”
Minerva McGonagall mumbled, “Lovegood’s lost it at last.” Out loud, she replied, “Leave her to me. Now. Malfoy maintains that Moaning Myrtle maliciously molested him,” she resumed.
“Merlin’s beard,” Moody grumbled. “Boy’s as bothersome as a bloody boggart. Make him repot mandrakes for making up such juvenile gibberish.”
“Nott’s been nicking Nosebleed Nougats again,” Filch flailed frantically, anxious for attention.
“No one knows it’s Nott, now, do they,” Severus Snape said silkily. “Someone said something about the Owlery?”
“The Owlery was over-used last year,” Hagrid pronounced. “Only one at a time, ok?”
“On to the next order of business,” Dumbledore declared. “Potter?”
Snape seethed. “Prince Potter prances about the place with Padma and Parvati Patil! And we’re the ones who have to worry about where he is all the while.”
“Pish-tosh,” Madame Pince said primly. “They’re primarily in the pumpkin patch. Peeves was teasing Pansy Parkinson about it prior to Potions.”
“The question of Quidditch,” Poppy Pomfrey prodded.
“Ah, quite the dangerous sport, Quidditch,” Dumbledore acquiesced. “But a popular pastime, Poppy, and a proven part of the history of Hogwarts. So, despite all the players you patch up, the sport prevails.”
Rolanda roared her approval. “Right you are, sir. And the Shrieking Shack?”
Severus Snape snarled. He detested the discussion of the situation, but the Shack, it should be said, was in a seriously deficient state. “It is no longer necessary, sir,” he said. “Destroy it.”
“Too true, too true.” Trelawney tutted. “If you do not destroy it, doom will descend in droves upon the hallowed halls of Hogwarts.”
“Hogwash,” Hooch huffed.
“Under Umbridge, the unspeakable occurred,” Trelawney said. “Under no circumstances can you continue to ignore the inevitable.”
Flitwick snickered. “It’s something straight out of Voyages with Vampires.”
“What’s really worth debating on is what we are to do with Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes,” McGonagall mentioned.
“Fainting Fancies! Whizzing Worms! Puking Pastilles!” Filch fluttered.
“Xenophilius spoke about them on the Wizarding Wireless Wednesday,” Snape spoke.
“Ton-Tongue Toffees! Skiving Snackboxes!” Filch flew into a frenzy.
“You know, those U-No-Poos could be used for the war,” Dumbledore deliberated. “Ask Blaise Zabini to check with Zonko’s. Assembly adjourned!”
“PYGMY PUFFS!” Filch fainted.
no subject
This was so funny. I giggled at "Lovegood's lost it at last."
Very clever, very amusing and so, so good. :D
no subject